That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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