She's JV to your varsity
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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