____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
