i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Randomize
