for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
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