i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Randomize
