I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Randomize
