I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Randomize