Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
