i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
