It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
