no, he came in my armpit
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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