I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize