so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
