Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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