his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize