Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
