Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Randomize
