I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
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