I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
