They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
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