While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
