sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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