i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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