I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
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