im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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