:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
