I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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