We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
