The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize
