Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
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