Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
So apparently I’m into choking now
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
