I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
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