Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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