your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
