So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
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