hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
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