What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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