Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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