His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
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