Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
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