I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize