There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
