God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
