I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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