I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
