Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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