oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Randomize
