I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
