Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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