You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
