I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
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