some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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