i jhust puked up my retainher.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
