i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
