i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
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