grandma shit on top of the toilet
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
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