Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
