he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
