sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
