seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Randomize
