you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
How does it feel to date your dad?
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
