I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
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