Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I don't think brook has ever known best
apparently the secret to your success is patron
I wish life had little blips of pornography
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Randomize
