I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
