just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Randomize
