i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
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