were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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