Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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