my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
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