Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
