Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Randomize