The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
