1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I cannot find my penis.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
