Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Randomize
