So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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