in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
