How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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