she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
