I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Randomize