Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
