It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
