just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Randomize
