i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Send help, water and tortillas.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize