Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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