thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Randomize
