He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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