Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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