i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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