I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
