Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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