you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
My vagina just recognized that song.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Watching her eat just hurts me
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize