You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
