It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
