quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
