She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
