I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
This baby is an asshole
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
