i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Randomize