Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
it's not cheating when I paid for it
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Randomize
