Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize
