the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Duck Duck Cougar?
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
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