I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
