Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
accomplished twins. life is a go
Operation Purity has been aborted
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
