I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
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