took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
