Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
And the cops told us we were all naked.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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