I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
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