his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
