and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I didn't notice because vodka
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
