I just cut my nipple shaving
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
