im six kinds of drunk right now
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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