mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
