This girl is more easily done than said...
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
