I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
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