Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Randomize
