In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
