Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
