so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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