She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
