I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
