Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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