Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
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