I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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